Sometimes I feel old.

I have a daughter in high school.  Been married almost 17 years.  Made and lost millions.

I’ve had successful careers as a business owner, professional speaker, radio host, newspaper columnist, affiliate marketer, software developer, business analyst, real estate investor, and probably a few other things I can’t quite remember.  I even spent 2 years mostly retired… and mostly bored.

I’ve traveled to every U.S. state but Alaska.  Lived in 2 countries and speak 2 languages fluently (Uruguay and Spanish for the curious).  Visited 10, or so, other countries.

I’ve climbed miles of rocks and ridden for weeks on my mountain bike.  I’ve dived and snorkeled around the world.  Hiked the Grand Canyon multiple times, on multiple trails.  Cliff-dived, spelunked, snowboarded, and trekked everything within 1,000 miles.

Once, I almost died scuba diving.  And got a painful case of decompression sickness (the bends) in the process.

Once, I almost died rolling my Land Rover down a mountain on a dark, snowy night in the middle of nowhere.

Once, I almost died on a fall while climbing a spire in Devil’s Canyon.  My friend Chris saved my life.  Don’t tell my wife… she’ll never let me climb again.

Once, I got shot at by someone who wanted me to die.  They missed.

And I can’t count the number of brain-dead stupid things I’ve done in my life where I could/should have been seriously hurt or injured.  I wasn’t.  I’m lucky.

I’ve been fortunate enough to drive the cars I want to drive.  I have a soft spot for my BMWs… with the 735i and 530i my favorites.  The Mercedes S-series I probably wouldn’t do again.  Loved my Rover.  My baby was a Jeep Wrangler decked out for serious off-roading… until I busted the axle on a climbing expedition and it was never the same.  The Viper was the most exhilarating… and absolutely too fast for my own good.  And I’ll never forget the long motorcycle rides with my Dad before he passed.

I’ve read hundreds (possibly thousands) of books.  Great books.  Terrible books.

I’ve studied subjects for hundreds of hours just because I could and I wanted to know.  I think I could probably pass for a competent psychologist.  Or physicist.  Or spiritual guru.  Or cryptanalyst.  Or sportswriter.

I’ve learned.  A lot.

I’ve been in the spiritual dungeon.  And to great spiritual heights.  I lacked meaning… and found it.  Struggled.  Found peace.

It’s been quite the ride.

I’ve lived life mostly on my terms.  Doing what excites me.  Working when I want.  Playing when I want.  It’s been good.

Why the reminiscing?

Next week I turn 40.  And it feels anti-climactic.

2 weeks before I turned 30 I sold my software company to a Fortune 500 company and walked away a millionaire with a fat consulting contract.

I have no equivalent for my 40th.

But I want to give myself a birthday present.  A big one.

And I’m thinking there are only a handful of things I really desire.  I have pretty much all the “stuff” I want.  The items on this year’s birthday list are more personal.  They’re about my legacy more than anything else.  And that’s serious business to me.

I want to finish my book.

Won’t happen in time… so that’s not an option.  Maybe next year (like I haven’t already said that for several years running).

I want to own a real software company again.

That’s a possibility.  I’ve wrestled with this one since I first released SSP more than 2 years ago.  We’ll see.

I want to run a company again.

I miss that.

I swore off employees after selling my last company.  I didn’t want to deal with crying, whining, entitled people any more.  It’s a pain.

So I’ve mostly been intentionally flying “under-the-radar” since then.  I like working on my own.  And I’m good at it.

Even so… it’s time for me to engage at a higher level again.  I don’t know what that looks like yet.  But I could certainly see it as running a brick-and-mortar company again.  I would be awesome.

And to end my birthday wish list, I want to have the baddest, most kick-ass braintrust in the internet marketing world.

I’m a competitive s.o.b.

I want to win.  Driven to win.

And that last seems like the biggest challenge.  It’s drawing me in and is ridiculously compelling to me right now.

And I think that’s where I’m headed.  Maybe.

I hinted at it in my last post.  And I received very positive response.

Whatever I choose, I know it will be my best birthday ever.  It has to be.  It always is.